It Gets Better: Autism Edition

It Gets Better is a fantastic project! According to Wikipedia, "its goal is to prevent suicide among LGBT youth by having gay adults convey the message that these teens' lives will improve." My only criticism is that it's too specific. The website does mention "other teens", but it mentions GLBT youth specifically, singling them out when the reality is that there are a number of other groups of kids who face similar prejudices and challenges and who often also consider suicide as a solution. Arman Khodaei publishes the blog Empower Autism Now where he says, "everyday there seems to be at least one thread in the WrongPlanet forums from someone with autism that is contemplating suicide or made a suicide attempt not that long ago."

I think the great tragedy here really is also the great irony that the worst time to be a teenager is when you're a teenager. Our lack of life experience at that age makes everything so much more dramatic. Every rejection from a crush, every break-up from a month-long relationship is gut-wrenching! It's only as the years pass and we accumulate those difficult experiences that we begin to realize that life really does have ups and downs and just because we're hurting right now doesn't mean we're not going to move on to something better in the near future. And that makes it doubly challenging for kids who are targets of prejudice, whether that's because they're gay or autistic or for any other reason. Being an outsider means that not only are you having to face all those problems, you're facing them more or less alone. That's why we need It Gets Better and similar projects, to remind kids that they're not alone. We're here, and we can help.

Since I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2008, most years April comes and goes and I don't take much notice. This year moonbeam13 offered me an opportunity to speak to a wider audience during Autism Awareness Month and knowing the challenges I've faced and overcome, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to offer hope to others who might be in a similar situation. It got me thinking about all the other messages that you're going to hear about Autism this month. I realized that a lot of those messages are going to be pretty darn discouraging if not downright depressing.

Over the years I've seen a lot of fear used to market autism, like the film Autism Every Day that starts with a screaming montage and only gets more morose from there. I haven't seen the whole film, but in the 13-minute short version, I don't recall seeing a single child that would be described as "high functioning", who make up well over 90% of the autism spectrum. The kids in the film are likely what you expect when you hear the word "autism", thanks to the film Rain Man that popularized the term, but created a misleading stereotype. Those people do exist, but even on the autistic spectrum they're rare. And it seems like these are the kinds of messages you're most likely to hear in April. The site NewAutism.com proclaims "I congratulate you on taking the first step to discovering new Autism cures that can save your child’s life", as though your autistic child is already dead.

I'd like to offer a different perspective.

I've lived my whole life with autism. I'm pretty sure all three of my kids are autistic (though they haven't yet been diagnosed). And while there are some big challenges, we're doing great! I often hear people lamenting how sad they are that their child with Asperger Syndrome will never have a job or get married or have kids. Why the hell not?! I've done all three of those things! And I did it without knowing that I was autistic. Not knowing might have been an advantage because I didn't get caught up in this defeatist attitude so many people seem to have about it. Or it might have made it harder, since all my life I never knew where to look for advice about how to improve my social skills. Once I knew why everything was so difficult, I started learning about how to correct those problems. I started reading books about things like reading facial expressions. And this is all just on the struggle side -- it's not even touching the fact that autism has its own strengths, leading to an increased likelihood of savant skills.

Sometimes when I hear these parents talking about how doomed their kids are I just want to SLAP THEM for throwing up their hands in defeat instead of doing the right research to help their kids. There are lots of autism success stories out there! You don't have to be Temple Grandin or Daryl Hannah! Read up about them and other successful autistic people - figure out what they've done to get where they are. Learn how you can apply that in your life. Empathy is a skill, and just like everything else, it takes practice. And if you're a teen or an adult with autism and you're not part of a local autistic social / support group, go find one. They're cropping up all over the place. Try GRASP or ASAN and if there's not a local chapter of one of those, shoot me a note and I'll help you find one. And if there's really not one close enough to you, then start one! Neurotypicals travel in packs for a reason, we should too!



There's a big clash in the autistic community right now over the idea of a "cure". (I put it in scare-quotes because the word implies an oversimplification.) Some folks are desperate for a cure and others want nothing to do with it. And people on both sides have strong reasons for feeling the way they do. But let me share this insight. I've talked to a lot of autistic people and it doesn't take long to notice a trend: the people who are autistic and are desperate for a cure are almost invariably in their teens and early twenties. By the time we reach our thirties, most of us have found a good niche and love our lives!

I'm 37 this year and honestly, I don't see why I should need or want a cure. I've gone from being an awkward, bullied outcast as a teen to now being pretty popular here on DeviantArt, despite having to learn social skills essentially from scratch in my early 30s. I did some hard work and I made it. You can too!

It really does get better.